A GOOD HEART FOR CHOOSING A BLIND LIFE PARTNER?

Yesterday, I was heavily offended and ticked off by a comment left on one of my husband’s facebook posts about me where he just expressed his love for me and how thankful he is that we are hapily married. The comment basically comes down to the statement that my husband has a good heart because he married a blind woman.

It was not the first time someone said this to him. Recently while he was visiting a sight at work, he was told the same thing.

I guess that day just wasn’t a day to say something like that to him, because he replied, asking the guy who said that how he could arrive at such a prejudiced conclusion. He then explained that marrying a blind person can’t and doesn’t define how “good” or “bad” your heart is, because there are some sighted folks who take blind partners for reasons that have nothing to do with love, care, and the desire to be with their mate for the rest of life. To them, picking a blind life partner is for selfish gain, such as the desire to be praised by people for having a good heart or being a good person, or even because they think it gives them an opportunity which they won’t have when married to someone with sight: it allows them to keep cheating while being married.

To some sick men, it’s about satisfying their need for power and their unquenchable desire to control someone else. I know many blind people will probably hate me for saying this, but it simply can’t be denied that those who are like that may see an opportunity for taking sole control of someone’s life, for example, by first luring that blind person into a relationship with him, and then isolating her from the rest of the world in ways that wouldn’t be possible for him if he had a sighted partner. One of the ways in which he can do this is to systematically make her dependant on him for transportation. Once she’s in a relationship with him, he is in a position to control where and when she goes. He can hide or take away her phone so that she can’t call a cab, having the peace of mind that she would never be able to obtain a driver’s lisence and so get away from him.

Conduct such as the examples I give above doesn’t exactly sound like someone marrying a blind person because he/she has a good heart, does it? I don’t think so. Moreover, I don’t understand how people can judge the goodness of others just by looking at the disability of the partners they choose. It doesn’t make sense to me!

Or wait! maybe it says something — not about the person whose heart is being judged or his/her partner, but about yourself. Doesn’t that indicate that you merely judge people from what you see on the outside without having all the facts together? Could it be possible that people’s disabilities make you decide whether or not you want to associate with them?

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THE DUMMEST, RUDEST QUESTION TO ASK A MARRIED BLIND PERSON

I understand that today’s article is a very sensitive issue for a variety of reasons.

There are those who don’t want to talk about it openly, because they think this subject is a taboo issue.

Then there are those who really want to know if and how blind people do this at all, but they won’t ask this question directly to a blind person or some person who has a blind spouse and/or partner.

The reason for them wanting to know more about this subject can probably be attributed to the fact that, for some weird reason, they believe that blind people just don’t do that, unless a sighted person is involved.

There are also those blind people who consider it a crime if you as a blind person do as much as daring to express negative feelings such as annoyance, disgust, or any other emotions which the very pretentious members of the Blind Community deem socially unacceptable if they are expressed or entertained by blind people when faced with this question, because how dare you feel this way if you claim to be a good blind person?

Whatever the reason for considering it a delicate matter, I feel that it’s necessary to call a spade a spade and to educate those who are ignrant once and for all on the answer to what I consider to be the dumbest question and/or assumption sighted people can think to ask and/or make about blind people.

I’ll start by quoting a facebook post of mine which I have posted to two closed groups for the blind and/or visually impaired:

“Hi everyone

“Has someone ever asked you a question, and then you think, oh gosh! Can people really ask such a question boldly without considering what a stupid question this is?

“It’s not that I’m being unfair to sighted people, right? It’s just that I don’t understand how some (not all) people think that you need sight for literally everything, and I really mean EVERYTHING!

“Fortunately for them and for me, no one ever dared to asked me such questions to my face. I don’t know if people are too scared to approach me to ask questions like the ones I’ll post in my first comment to this particular post. Chances are good that it is because it’s very hard for me to hide my true feelings even if I try very hard not to show them, but anyway, if you’ve experienced something like this, I’d like to hear from you. What was the question, and how would/did you react and/or respond to it?”
October 15, 2014

Part of my comment to this post was the first one and reads:

“One … question was addressed to my husband, and I think that my absence from that incident was a very good thing, because I have absolutely no idea how I would’ve responded if I heard it. I don’t know if I would’ve laughed myself to pieces or if I’d be annoyed by it.

“Anyway, my husband was asked by one of his colleagues how we procreate. Now, I can understand how people can wonder about how a blind person would be able to raise children and to be a good parent, but I really don’t understand how people can think that you need sight to procreate or to have sexual pleasure 3 Full stop”

I used the term “procreate” for the sake of not being crude, but what I actually wanted to say in the place of “procreate” was “have sex”.

There were members of both these groups who responded to this post. However, I am not prepared to reveal the true identity of the authors of the responses quoted below, but I will provide you with some of the responses I got.

Pete (not his real name): “I was thinking about the whole procreate question, then I remembered something I heard on the news that is interesting. It sseems that when extended power outages occur, such as from the result of severe storms, curiously 9 months later a spike in births usually follow. Apparently, sighted people can do it in the dark, and yet they wonder how blind people can do it in the dark? …”

Maria (not her real name): “Once my niece said that blind people can’t have sex because they can’t see what they were doing, and I told her that you don’t need a well lit up room to do that. Believe me, us blind people know what we are doing! We manage quite nicely. Then I asked if she and her boyfriend take a flashlight with them to bed … and she said no. Then I told, her, “Well, then you guys must do it in broad daylight …” She said, “No, only at night sometimes.” … I told her, “Well then you must have a flashlight, because how do you guys know what you are doing in the dark?” after that she just kept quiet …”

Sally (not her real name): “It’s not like you’re being unfair to sighted people 3 Full stop Some sighted people just need to stop asking such stupid questions 3 Exclamation mark … Oh and 3 Full stop Don’t people usually turn the lights off when having sex anyway? I never understood why people think you need to see to have sex 3 Full stop Stupid 3 Full stop”

Delia (not her real name): “It’s called rude! One way to respond is to ask, why do you ask?”

Jone (not her real name): “Someone on a different site said that they were asked how do blind people make love. She had a great comeback about how we have to go to school periodically to keep up with current techniques etc until she couldn’t keep a straight face anymore.”

So, I hope these responses make it clear that:

Blind people can and do make love as do sighted people; and
You don’t need lights to make love, because for the greater part, one uses your sense of touch to perform this activity!

It is important to add, however, that asking how a blind woman knows if she started her period is not a stupid question. I can understand why it’s difficult for a sighted person not to know when it’s just a vaginal discharge or when it’s the real thing. I’d be disgusted if I’m asked this by a man though! Also, this particular question is not one I will answer online either as one cannot be too sure about the gender of the person addressing the question to you.

Now, let me account for expressly daring to state that this is the dumbest question a sighted person can ask a blind person for the sake of those members of the blind and vision impaired community who are uptight and who see my annoyance with this question in particular as a terrible crime of blasphemy against the holy Blind and Vision Impaired Community.

First of all, I think that Delia adequately summed up the reason for the contention that this is a stupid question to ask blind people in one single word: rude! Asking a blind person or his/her sex partner (sighted or blind) how they make love is rude, because rude questions are stupid questions too: by asking it, you’re being foolish for not considering the other person’s feelings and privacy! So watch your mouth! Besides, you have no right to do that even if you are curious. It’s none of your business anyway, unless you’re interested in dating or marrying a blind person (which rarely happens).

Secondly, a question is stupid if the logical explanation to it is right in front of you! I mean, how can people assume that blind people can’t or don’t have and/or enjoy sex if they are acquainted with a blind person who gave birth to children? Was she conceived by means of an act of rape or immaculate conception? Do they themselves make love with the lights on?

So maybe, expecting from people to think before they speak is not asking too much?

EVEN THE DEMONS TREMBLE

I have so many ideas as to the next blog entry I’d like to post. I have so many things to talk about. Yet, it’s as if I can’t bring myself to write them down, not because I’m lazy, but because I’m overwhelmed by the urge to share with you a post which I’ve written some moons ago when I still blogged with thoughts.com. I had to let go blogging there, because for some reason, I couldn’t get into my site …

Since I blogged there by first saving my entries as Word documents and then pasting the content into the edit field for the body text of the entry, I still have the content with me today. However, I had to make some amendments to the original to provide for the lapse in time, but here’s what I wrote and what I’d like to share from that time today.

The following story was sent to me in Afrikaans via Whatsapp years ago, and because it made me think of certain passages in Scripture which, in turn, caused me to read other Bible passages with the same theme, I just cannot help sharing it!

Once upon a timelived a Christian old lady who was so poor that she had to rely on the community for donations of food, clothes, and other groceries. The local Christian radio station knew about her circumstances and would regularly ask churches and others who were into charity for donations. It so happened that a devoted atheist heard about it and decided to trick the old lady. He called the radio station, asked them for her residential address, and requested his secretary to purchase some groceries and food and then to deliver it to the old lady with the following instruction:- “If the old lady enquires about the identity of the donor, tell her that it was sent to her by the devil.” Arriving at the old lady’s residence, the secretary could tell from its appearance that its inhabitant was severely poor, so she wasn’t surprised when the donation was received with great joy and gratitude. However, she was surprised when the old lady started to pack all the groceries away without enquiring about the identity of the donor.

After a few moments, the atheist’s secretary asked the old lady if she was curious to hear who sent her all these groceries, to which the old lady responded (wisely and calmly):- “No, child, that doesn’t matter, because even the devil obeys God’s orders just because God has spoken.”

Having read this story, I remembered something in the Bible about the devils fearing and trembling, and I also remembered that it was somewhere in the book of James, but I wasn’t sure of the context of this verse. So I typed in “James 1” and read this book until I found what I was looking for:

“Thou believest that there is one God; thou doest well: the devils also believe, and tremble.” (James 2:19)

The apostle James wrote this in the context of faith without works, making the point that it doesn’t help to confess with your tongue that you believe in God when your deeds don’t show it, so it means nothing if your brother or sister is hungry or needy, and you say, “God bless you” without even attempting to do something about his/her situation.

This verse, in turn, reminded me of Something Jesus said to the seventy people whom he sent to minister to the Jews in His name after their return when they reported to Him that the devils are subject to them when they did something in His name:

“I beheld Satan as lightning fall from heaven. Behold, I give unto you power to tread on serpents and scorpions, and over all the power of the enemy: and nothing shall by any means hurt you. Notwithstanding in this rejoice not, that the spirits are subject unto you; but rather rejoice, because your names are written in heaven.” (Luke 10:18-20)

Now, the reader has to understand one thing very clearly, which is that, if the story about the poor lady and the atheist is true, then neither the atheist nor his secretary in the story as told above is the devil, ok?It should not be our aim to make those who are in the world and who refuse to believe in Christ the object of our struggles with their arguments and the things they say and do to us in the name of liberation, freedom or reason. God loves the world (John 3:16), and not only did Jesus atone on the cross for the sins of those who believe in him, but also for the sins of the whole world! However, Satan is described as the Prince of this world (John 12:31; 14:30; 16:11), and Paul wrote that it is this way with the minds of those people because the god of this world has blinded their minds (II Corinthians 4:3-4).

It is for this reason that we are told in at least two New Testament passages that the war of Christians are not against people, neither are their weapons of warfare the same as the weapons of the world.

“For though we walk in the flesh (live in the world), we do not war after the flesh (wage war as the world does). For the weapons of our warfare are not carnal (or the weapons of the world), but mighty through God (or they have divine power) to the pulling down of (or demolish) strong holds; Casting down imaginations (arguments or reasonings) and every high thing (or pretention) that exalteth itself (sets itself up) against the knowledge of God, and bringing into captivity every thought to the obedience of (make it obedient to) Christ.” (II Corinthians 10:3-5)

The following points are made very clear by the apostle Paul as we read this passage concerning the weapons of Christians:

1. People who are in Christ do not wage war in the same manner as those who are in the world, or else our warfare is carnal (fleshly) and cannot please God.
2. The weapons of our warfare are NOT carnal or typically human and/or secular, but are mighty or powerful only through God.
3. We have to use our spiritual weapons to demolish strong holds.
4. Our weapons have to cast down any argument or pretention which seems to exalt itself against the knowledge of God. An example of such an argument or pretencion can be found in Isaiah 14:13-14 where Satan’s attitude towards God while he was in heaven is addressed.
5. We have to imprison every thought, in other words, subject each thought in such a way that it is obedient to Christ.

Elsewhere, Paul wrote:

“Put on the whole armour of God, that ye may be able to stand against the wiles of the devil. For we wrestle not against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this world, against spiritual wickedness in high places.” (Ephesians 6:11-12)

Here, Paul makes it very clear that we do not wrestle against people, but against things that can’t be seen or observed in the physical realm.

It’s hard to do so, especially if the things said and done to you make you feel the painful sting that often accompanies mockery and rejection, but at least, the following can and does serve as comfort:

“If the world hate you, ye know that it hated me before it hated you. If ye were of the world, the world would love his own: but because ye are not of the world, but I have chosen you out of the world, therefore the world hateth you. Remember the word that I said unto you, The servant is not greater than his lord. If they have persecuted me, they will also persecute you; if they have kept my saying, they will keep yours also. But all these things will they do unto you for my name’s sake, because they know not him that sent me.” (John 15:18-21)

In conclusion, I’d like to add that, if the atheists secretary asked the old lady in our story if she would have accepted a donation of groceries if she knew that the devil was the donor, then she could have responded that every good and perfect gift comes from the Father:

“Every good gift and every perfect gift is from above, and cometh down from the Father of lights, with whom is no variableness, neither shadow of turning.” (James 1:17)

Wow! So it is indeed true that even the devil has to submit to God! I also find it hilarious that God can use people with ill intentions to accomplish His will, even if they mean to do evil!